Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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