So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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