is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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