They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
