Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
