Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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