you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
