The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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