I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
