Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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