he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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