Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
