So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Text me some of your sweat
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
