2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
