I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You're like the curious george of whores
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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