After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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