I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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