Got a toothbrush?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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