wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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