No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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