you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
