You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
