What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
