We won't sleep together?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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