I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
