Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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