Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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