That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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