The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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