its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
