What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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