I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
