Kareoke will never be a sober sport
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
