My underwear smells like fireworks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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