every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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