My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
