I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
send nudes
from the living room?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
