so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
