I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
