3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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