yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
