fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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