Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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