Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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