like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
