her vagine was all disorganized.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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