She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
