Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
