Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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