And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
