how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
