I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
