I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wear drunk well.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
