it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
