I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
