Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
