There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
