Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
