you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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