just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
